Where to even begin with this one? I had a kind of revelation or epiphany this week: I’ve let my life get too small.
I’ll probably write a full post about the experience, but the short version is this: a few weeks ago at work we had an on-site. We all sat in the same room for a few days working, talking, and laughing, and then it was over. I was back to commuting a few times a week to an empty office or working remotely from home, chatting mostly on Teams but not even that much. I developed what I can only describe as post-onsite depression.
I’m far from an “everyone must return to the office” person, in fact I’m against it unless it makes sense or it’s for regular team building. But, in that world we lose something that hasn’t been replaced. The conspiracist in my head says that’s intentional. No matter the reason, though, it’s true that without school and then later work, there aren’t a lot of places for relationships to form anymore.
And for me, I had convinced myself relationships were forming even in that limited mode—and they are, to an extent—but having that mode be so full and then suddenly so empty was shocking. It showed me that relying on work to be my social center was a fool’s game, especially in today’s layoff-laden world. Teams change, people move on, and then what? You’re left sitting alone in an office.
The other wrinkle for me is that I’m a manager and, as a result, need to distance myself even further from the team I used to be part of. Management is a lonely job: you know things you can’t always share, you want to connect with people when what they deserve is for you to be their manager and only their manager. A wall has to be built, even if your management style is open and honest like I believe mine is.
So, what am I going to do about it? I’ve given it some thought and I think I thrive in places where people come together to work towards a common goal. Theaters. Choirs. That sort of thing. I’m going to try and sign up for a local choir crash course when registration opens in August. I’m looking for opportunities to work behind the scenes in a theater. I’m going to go to a regular kickball game.
I’m going to basically avoid all my base tendencies to stay at home or say no to things for arbitrary reasons. I’m putting myself back out into the world.
So yeah, no regular updates this week about Peloton or board games (though maybe a goal of playing a bunch of board games solo should have been a sign).
Things I enjoyed this week
- A post was going around Bluesky this week about “running the dishwasher twice”—a way of saying ignore the rules holding you back; you probably wrote them yourself. I needed that.
- We saw Hamlet for free at a local brewery because a local theater group wants to bring Shakespeare to the masses. It ruled.
- Two new cyberpunk shows are coming soon, and we got teaser trailers for them both this week. “Neuromancer” and “Blade Runner 2099”. Can’t wait.