I’m sitting here watching Sunderland play Chelsea in the Premier League, and Sunderland have just scored. One of their few goals this season. Watching these matches has become a nice Sunday ritual, even if Sunderland themselves have been woefully underperforming. I chose to support them on a whim, mostly because they’re a northern England team who were only promoted to the league last season. They’ve been tough to watch at times, but at least I’ll feel like I’ve earned my fandom.

I don’t have choir rehearsal today for the first time in six weeks. The next Crash Course Chorus doesn’t start until February, so I’m between activities. I’m considering taking singing lessons in the interim.

I finally did another FTP test on my Peloton yesterday. It’s a test of functional threshold power that sets my power bar for the Power Zone rides. My threshold went from 92 to 102, which I was happy to see. My rides are going to be a bit tougher over the next few weeks as I adjust, but it means I’m still improving. I’d been feeling a little stagnant. I’m also starting to work in bodyweight strength training at least once a week and hope to do more of that as well.

Most of the work I’ve been doing though is psychological. When I started this journey, I thought I lacked social skills or the the ability to read social cues. I thought I didn’t have friends because I didn’t know how to make friends. I never suspected I had anxiety, or at least not at a level that impacted my life. Now, however, I’m learning that anxiety, and more specifically, a fear of discomfort, has been shaping my life in ways I didn’t understand.

In therapy, we’ve moved from the everyday interactions and interpersonal relationship challenges to exploring what’s beneath all of that. What’s driving my fear of discomfort? What makes me feel like my independence comes at the cost of connection?

Things I enjoyed this week